Pregnancy
by fineontheoutside
Summary: "The silence is as pregnant as the woman until a miscarriage slips through in the form of two words." Where Aoko is pregnant with Kaito's child months after Kaito left her.
1. Chapter 1

_Thank you so much everyone for keeping up with all my stories. Though I don't express it much, I really do appreciate all of the reviews and follows and favorites. They mean a lot to me._

She's on the other end. There's absolutely no sound but that of the waves on one line and the soft, muffled sobbing on the other. The silence is as pregnant as the woman until a miscarriage slips through in the form of two words.

"You're lying," he accuses. And she sobs harder giving him the truth that grows as fear in him. There's no anger in his voice, no excitement. It's an emotionless accusation, hiding whatever possible feeling he's hiding. The voice is only in a cold, flat tone that she's never heard him use. It scares her.

"I got it checked by a doctor Kaito. I've been pregnant for a while now." "Aoko" He speaks the name slowly, a mixture of the uncertainty of what the correct words to speak allowed and the feeling of such a beautiful name on his tongue. "I'm already five months pregnant. It took me a while to decide to call you" There's a distinct tension that bleeds through the phones. He had left Japan roughly five months ago. "What do you want me to do?" Aoko swallows. "Nothing. I want you to stay in Hawaii and do whatever the hell you left me to do. I don't want you to be involved in my life ever again. I've had enough of you." The words are spoken sharply, the hint of her tears are gone and replaced with anger. "Then why would you tell me I'm going to have a child I'll never meet?" he speaks with a trace of frustration lining his voice. "I wanted you to know that you've further screwed up my life," bitter hostility leaks out and lashes out through the phone lines. He could feel the heat of her voice thousands of miles away. The phone call ends abruptly after that.

A full week doesn't pass before Aoko opens the door to Kuroba Kaito. She tries to slam the door shut before he can flaunt back into her life but he slips his foot in before the door closes and prevents her from doing so. He forces the door open, which was done with almost no effort in Aoko's pregnant state and ignores every insult that she slaps him with. Really, it was harder for Kaito to withstand her screaming than it was to fight the door open.

In the end, he rents an apartment room in the same complex as hers. He settled in on the bottom floor while Aoko lived on the top, six stories above him. Internal bruises and cuts attempt to mend itself from the girl's harsh remarks. She's stronger than she looks. She told him she hated him. She never wanted to see his face again. To get away from her before she screams for the aid of her protective neighbors. The single word that left a deep gash in his chest though, was when she had called him "Kid".

In the end, he buries his head into a pillow and tries to think what it would be like to have her beside him just once more. And in Japan, so far away from where he spent his last five months, sleep finally takes him. But Aoko isn't as lucky as him. She never was. Face slightly wet and making soft choking noises, she cries for herself and the child that grows in her womb.

In the morning, there's a patient rapping on the door. He's back and it takes half an hour of gently knocking on the door before the noise finally fades away. And in the following morning, the noise is back for Aoko to struggle to ignore. It's on the third day of them both waiting that a small barricade crumbles open a small hole to crawl through. Aoko opens the door to Kaito. Only slightly, the door creaks open and she looks through to see Kaito. He doesn't push the door open. He stands outside waiting for her to invite him in. Kaito hadn't realized how fragile Aoko was the last time they saw each other.

He's quiet and patient, nothing like the Kaito that left Aoko in the first place. There's a clear situation of hesitation in Aoko before she opens the door wider for him. She's waddling with each step she takes and it's then that Kaito finally sees how small her frame is compared to her swollen belly. It's clear she's far for comfortable with walking holding such a foreign, uneven weight. She walks slowly and when she loses her footing walking into the dining room, he moves without thinking. He doesn't see she's holding onto the counter, so he grasps above her stomach, below her breasts (which are also swollen as he had noticed) to keep her from falling. He feels Aoko tense immediately in his arms and slaps them away from her like one might do to a stranger. It stings, just a little.

She pulls up a chair for him and tells him to sit down. It's more of a command than anything else. And when she moves into the kitchen to make coffee, Kaito offers to do it instead, that she should be resting, but she doesn't even acknowledge his words and continues to pour the hot coffee into two mugs. There are three sugar cubes in his coffee and no cream. The ways he always drinks it.

Kaito pops her a rose and she takes it but its comes more of a second thought to her. She places an arm protectively over her stomach and they start to talk. It's tense at first, uncertainty filling the room. The words are difficult to come by between the two of them. At first it's about how life had been without each other but the conversation proved difficult and painful so slowly, they edged toward the baby. At five months pregnant, Aoko proved to be in obvious discomfort. Between her petite frame heaving the weight on her sore back, to her ligaments around the pelvis area are residing in a permanent pain from being stretched, she seems to be in constant pain.

When they finish talking and Kaito prepares to leave, he asks if he could visit again the next morning. And after a moment of hesitation, she allows it.

At night, Kaito sleeps soundlessly, without regret, feeling that the day had gone all right. But for Aoko, the insomnia she had been suffering through just recently had taken hold of her again. She's tired, god she's so tired and she wants to fall asleep so bad. She's hurting. Everything's so sore and she just wants to fall asleep. Sometimes she wishes she wasn't pregnant. It just hurt too much to try to be do housework and stay strong around Kaito.

In the morning, sure enough, Kaito was knocking on the door. He was planning to take her out for breakfast. A nice change in scenery. Something he believed she needed. But when he knocked on her door, she didn't answer. He waited patiently, thinking she was perhaps changing or waddling over to open the door for him but the door remained closed. And then through the thin walls he could hear the unmistakable sound of a coughing and the sharp slap of a body hitting the hard floor. He lifts a potted bushel of bluebells up and sure enough, Aoko had kept the habit of placing a key under the clay pot. He opens the door swiftly and makes his way to the bathroom in the bedroom.

"Aoko, I'm coming in," he states and before she even has the chance to reply, he walks into the bathroom. It doesn't occur to him in that moment that she could be without clothes and saunters in just as he had done the previous day to her hallway. Aoko's wearing a simple white nightgown that gives a elegant, innocent look to her. But she's on all fours, gagging as her hair spills over her small face covered in small beads of sweat. She gives him a look of pure shock before something finally comes up. And Kaito's there for her, holding her hair back, and rubbing her back as she throws up. She hates herself for being this weak, for showing him this side of her; but really, there is no fault on her. She can't help that the morning sickness affects her worse than the books she bought had described them. The best she can do is accept Kaito's help and inch through her pregnancy hour by hour, day by day.

She's left exhausted when there's nothing left for her to throw up. He runs a warm bath for her as she sits against the ring of the bathtub. "I'll make you breakfast so take your time," is all he says before leaving the bathroom and closing the door behind him. In exhaustion, she peels off her loose dress and undergarments and dips herself into the bath. As Kaito makes a mountainful of chocolate pancakes, Aoko stares at the size of her stomach in the warm water and wonders how much time will pass before she'll find herself needing him again.

The water is at a perfect temperature and she finds that it's been too long since she's taken the time to relax. It's not too hot in the interest of the baby but the heats still there to loosen her sore muscles. There's still the steam rising creating the humid comfort she associates with baths of perfect temperatures.

When she comes out of the bathtub clad in another one of her simple, pale blue maternity dresses, she's greeted with the smell of chocolate pancakes. Unconsciously, she's smiling, remembering when Kaito's go-to breakfast was chocolate pancakes in high school. And he made the pancakes often, whether he had the time or not. As high schoolers, Aoko would impatiently let herself in the house after Kaito ignored the doorbell ringing numerous times only to find him frantically flipping pancakes to eat on the walk over to school. Not once did he have a piece of toast in his mouth as he ran out the door with Aoko struggling to catch up to him. It was always a chocolate pancake, and he always shared with Aoko.

He pulled up a chair for her and she's feeling too refreshed to be stubborn. She sits down and eats the pancakes with Kaito. They make small talk. Avoiding topics of tension. Somehow, though it's in a more polite manner, the sense of familiarity is back. Aoko's unforgiving stance is still existing but less prominent, as faded as the off white walls surrounding them.

Kaito leaves after breakfast, after washing and drying the dishes with a promise to come again the next day. And he does so for weeks to come. With the door unlocked, Aoko became accustomed to eat breakfast with her old childhood friend. She became increasingly dependent on him as it became harder and harder for her to do the simplest of tasks. And though it killed her to admit it, she needed the emotional help he provided her too. He never complained whether she needed a glass of milk or her clothes were in need of washing or occasionally she just needed someone to hold her hand as the small life inside of her kicked, filling her with immense pride and slight pain. But everything seemed to hurt her at times. Aoko accepted the child easily and never voiced discontent with the exception of the muffled hisses of pain and poorly hidden broken sobs. Crying came easier to her as her stomach grew.

Kaito did all he could but it was never enough. Especially when he was partly the reason for the tears she dropped. Simply, he looked guilty as she cried. He never blamed her, never comforted her. He gave her the space he knew she deserved. That was all he could do.

But Aoko always tried to see the world in an optimistic lens and tried to make the most out of Kaito's appearance. After she rubbed off her shock and anger, she had him doing the housework. She knew he could never say no to whatever task that needed to be done, considering it would be dangerous and painful for Aoko to do it herself, and frankly, it was like he was working off his wrong of leaving her.

He began to stay longer. Not just mornings, where they shared a peaceful breakfast with comforting conversations and Kaito vacuumed the living room or folded clothes before leaving. Kaito took more time to spend with Aoko. Where most of it was spent in the familiar presence of each other, simply watching a movie and keeping each other company. Aoko left her apartment less and less as the six flights of stairs became a near impossible task for her. And though she regularly had friends visit, she admitted to enjoying Kaito's frequent company.

And one morning, after a particularly harsh wave of morning sickness, as Aoko sat against the wall, right arm held protectively around her unborn child, Kaito made a decision. When Aoko was ready to stand, Kaito pulled her up and held her as he whispered into her ear, his proposition. "Live with me."

It took until the next morning for Aoko to agree. It made sense for her too. If she needed to get out of the house for whatever reason, Aoko couldn't make it down the stairs without help and an abundance of time and energy. It didn't seem like such a drag for him when Aoko called him shyly at two in the morning, asking if he could go to the store to pick up some tomato sauce because she was really craving some spaghetti right then. It was also easier for Kaito to check on Aoko without having to go up and down the six flights of stairs in the middle of the near black night. So she left the comfort of her familiar apartment room and moved into the on ground floor. It took more than half an hour for Aoko to carry herself down the stairs with the aid of Kaito's steady stance.

She was to sleep on the queen sized bed and Kaito would take the couch. It was that simple. It was what they agreed to before Aoko fought through her migration. Yet, when night fell so did they. Their resolve slowly dissolved like sugar water and really, it was sweet. They stood in an embrace for a while. Remembering that it felt almost the same as it did all those months before. The blame diminished, as did the uncertainty. It was like the child-like love they shared before. It came back.

So when Aoko felt fatigue pull her into murky drowsiness, she began to pull on Kaito's sleeve and asked if he'd sleep beside her. And that was it. The two fell asleep under the thin sheets. They faced toward each other's and their hands were touching at the fingertips. There were no attempts of sex made. Nothing. It was an innocent form of love, like children.

With less than two months left of her pregnancy left, Aoko leaves the apartment to see her doctor, Araide-sensei. Kaito volunteered to go with her and though she told him it was unnecessary, he tagged along with her any way. "The train station is only a block away, Kaito. I can get there by myself," she reasoned but he walked with her, holding hands.

"You're in good condition Nakamori-san," states Araide-sensei as he pushed his glasses closer to his nose. He's rechecking the results from the ultrasound and giving a satisfied nod to the images. He says more but Aoko zones out, wondering what they would eat for lunch as Kaito is left to unscramble the doctor's words on pregnancy. Her due date was coming soon.

After they left the hospital (and stopped to eat ramen) the couple wandered back to the apartment. "You could've asked Araide-sensei to check the gender of the baby you know," said Kaito. Aoko sighed and nestled into the couch. "Yeah, I know. I could've done that at the beginning of the fifth month but I think I'm going to hold off on knowing until she's born." "Until _he's_ born." Kaito corrected. And they laughed, unable to hide their excitement of becoming new parents.

Kaito brings back roses to decorate the apartment during his late night grocery shopping. Aoko had suddenly grown to have a strong craving for fish, much to Kaito's strong disliking but he brought it home anyway. They share a sweet, romantic night together as their lives finally return to their proper rotations.

He surprises Aoko as her due date nears with a new car. Aoko's unvoiced anxiety of transportation is fixed with the arrival of the sleek, modern car. A current model silver Mitsubushi that'll fit five with a radio, movie player, and a car seat fit for an infant. "It's perfect," declares Aoko as she kisses Kaito. "I almost got a minivan. You know the ones all the soccer moms drives so you would fit in with them in the next few years," he jokes and Aoko teasingly slaps his hands away.

"What are we going to name the baby?" Aoko asks Kaito later that night. She's facing Kaito, as they hold hands underneath the covers. "Depends if it's a boy or a girl," he yawns. It's late. "What about a gender neutral name." "Aoko, I think you should decide on the baby's name. I'm not going to be of much help with that." There's silence and the conversation seems to be over. Only once Kaito almost falls asleep, half an hour later does Aoko whisper. "Mashiro."

White. A frontier of blinding, pure white. Mashiro. Like an angel's wings. Kaito mutters in agreement and the matter is set. And soon, the blue child falls asleep beside Kaito holding the utter whiteness within her.

Her water breaks just days later. It's night when Aoko takes shaky breaths as she stares at the liquid beneath her feet. She's forgotten how to call out Kaito's name for help. She's forgotten how to move. Frozen. She needs to move. Go. Go Aoko. Move. She's shaking. Terrified. And finally her scream pierces through the paper thin silence. The sound moves slowly through the tense air, unable to form a real word. And Kaito's suddenly there. God, she needs him. Aoko's crying by now. "Let's go," he says in a gentle tone. He carefully leads her into the car. She never stops shaking. It takes twenty minutes to get to the hospital and only ten before Aoko first lets out her first gasp of pain. "It doesn't hurt too badly," she says and he doesn't look over to see her face, too concentrated on the road, too concentrated in thinking she's telling the truth.

The hospital works fast in getting Aoko into a wheelchair and taking her into the hospital. Kaito is forgotten in the midst with the exception of a short, balding man asking him to fill out a form. The night seems suddenly so unbearably quiet and large as he stands outside the hospital.

He sits in the waiting room next to a couple holding their own newborn infant. Kaito doesn't realize how he had been shaking himself until the first words he writes on the form is completely unreadable. It's intolerable how he's sitting in the waiting room for too long. More than three hours have passed since he had first brought Aoko. No one asks if he wants to be in the operating room with Aoko.

Really, he doesn't want to be in that room. He really does prefer sitting in the waiting room, where the seconds pass like minutes and the minutes pass like hours, but he also wants to be beside Aoko, giving her support. But there's no one available to ask to go into the room and he finds himself lacking the courage to go in there without permission. So he stands outside.

He sat in the waiting room for nine hours. Arrived at eight the previous evening, it was five in the morning. A doctor came out of the room and Kaito found himself running up to him. He had to know something, anything. Was it over yet? But the doctor said nothing and only held the door open for Kaito to go in. So he gathered his wits, took a breath and walked in.

Aoko was lying in the bed, exhaustion written across her face as she slept. Her cheeks were wet, as were the rest of her with sweat. Kaito walked over to her and took hold of her hand. "How's the child?" he asked, not looking at the doctors. "We'll name the kid Mashiro. Kuroba Mashiro," he said as he gave Aoko's hand a soft squeeze. "I'm going to marry this girl, you see. We'll be a family of Kurobas. Us three."

"Excuse me?" a pale faced nurse said to him. "Would you like to sit down?" Her face was covered with sweat too. The room was awfully hot, he noticed. And he sat down at the seat she refered him to. She bit her lip. It was apparent she didn't want to be in front of him. Nervousness transparent on her face. Was it her first delivery? "The child, Mashiro as you named her-" her voiced waved. "The childdidn'tsurvive." She spoke the words too fast. Nothing to ease Kaito into the icy truth. He froze.

The silence is as pregnant as the woman was until a miscarriage slips through in the form of two words. "You're lying," he accuses. And the nurse begins to sob, giving him the truth that grows as fear in him. There's no anger in his voice, no denial. It's an emotionless accusation, hiding whatever possible feeling he's hiding. The voice is only in a cold, flat tone the nurse never heard anyone use before. It scares her.

It doesn't take long before Aoko opens her eyes and sees Kaito broke. He's crying. Tears streaming down his face. "God damn it!" he yells and the nurse squeaks. He covers his eyes with his hand. "Kaito?" Aoko calls him out tenderly. She's scared too. She knows what happened. But she still needs to know for sure. "Where's Mashiro?" And Kaito wipes away his tears hastily. He doesn't form anymore tears after that. He can't afford to, not in front of Aoko. He shakes his head. "She's not coming home with us." The words sound so casual. Like maybe he forgot to buy milk, like he has to stay late for work tonight, like their child had died before either of them have had the chance to hold her.

Aoko breaks eye contact. She nods, but it's a nod far from acceptance. She doesn't cry.

"Can we go home?" she asks quietly.

The doctors release her with minimal paperwork and minimal apology and explanation. A tangled umbilical cord got the better of the infant. They walk out of the hospital and there's a sunrise. The blackened sky beginning to glow bright with color. Neither of them notice. The car ride is silent. There are no more tears for Mashiro to be shed.

_Wow I wrote a lot. _

_I'll try to get out the second part as soon as I can. Please review!_


	2. Chapter 2

They return unbearably too soon to a house that seems too large for the two of them. The house is painfully littered with new toys, some still in the original packaging. Never been played with. Never going to be played with. It just doesn't seem fair.

It's intolerable. How quiet the house seems. Though the child had never placed her toes on the wooden floor of the apartment, Mashiro's presence was very much apparent and live in the tension of the rooms. The silence unbroken without the expecting youthful cries of a newborn. God it was quiet. The silence was piercing. Bleaching out any other sounds.

Aoko sat staring through the window. At nothing. The empty street that she could see was barren and lacking. There was nothing for her to see yet she kept staring at outside.

"Come on, Aoko." Kaito said softly. She didn't cry, but her eyes left the window. Hiding them timidly, burying her face with hands. No words. Kaito wrapped himself around her and that was all there was to be done.

It took weeks for Aoko to find herself leaving the bed for more than hours at a time. And it took weeks for Kaito to find himself without waking up without the strange ache for a child he never knew. In the end, the house was too big for them. Too empty. Too filled with regrets. They needed to leave.

So within the month of Mashiro's birth and death, the two settled into the urban city of Tokyo to keep their mind occupied. Where life moved fast as did the passing mourning. They recovered in the busy city, with life constantly moving. It took time, but it was okay. They would be okay.

Eventually, Kaito placed a ring on Aoko's finger. And in their small house in Tokyo, where they both lived comfortably, they grew a garden. And in that garden, among bright red roses, grew hundreds of small white flowers. Bright, white peonies that flooded the garden in the innocent color.

Mashiro.

_Sorry it's so short. I haven't got the energy to write long stories right now. I hope it was still satisfying enough though. Review?_


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